Dear Santa,

I wanted to thank you for giving me the one thing I secretly wanted the most this Christmas, which was at least one more visit from that reaction I’ve been chasing since 2018.

I do understand the undergirding of sadness I constantly feel as an adult this time of year is just nostalgia. It’s memories of you, visiting me from another time, when things were different than they are now.

I’ll be honest, though. I was really blindsided by the incredible responsibility that All Of The Magic requires of a mom. That felt like a lot, especially in the beginning when I was going really hard and our baby boy didn’t even get it. I truly wondered why people do this.

That year that he was four, though, and I was reading the Elf on the Shelf book to him on Christmas Eve because he couldn’t read by himself yet… I told him I saw his name on your list in the picture and he asked me with absolute wonderment for the first time: “Nice?”

“Nice,” I affirmed.

Like the Grinch, my heart grew three sizes that day. I properly absorbed the assignment, realizing this handful of years would one day be their Christmas nostalgia.

I’ve tried hard to create the happy memories they deserve. I understand I’m only sad now (okay, nostalgic) because someone with the weight of the world on their shoulders once made it unbelievably wonderful for me.

So *that look* is the gift. It’s the only thing I truly wish for nowadays.

The thrill of learning he’s on the nice list…

The magic of Elfie turning up after Thanksgiving, and each morning thereafter…

The chest explosion on Christmas morning…

That little boy is 11 now and I know you heard him working through this all season.

He told me “like, all” of his friends have told him you aren’t real. He wanted to believe, and often did this month, but his burning questions were threatening to ruin it for the other kids. I had to finally tell him so we could talk about preserving you for others.

I know you understand, but I’m glad I waited until after it was over with the hope that you might deliver my favorite gift one more time:

That look on his face, in true blue magic…

You did. And I just wanted you to know how much it really meant to me.

I don’t love the finality of this, but I trust our next phase will be wonderful as they all have turned out to be. In a first, he did stop mid-way through opening on Christmas morning to give gifts to all of us that he picked out and bought with his own money. Incredibly thoughtful ones—and a sign, I believe—that he is ready for the next iteration of you.

In an absolute plot twist—for all of my kicking and screaming in the beginning—I think this new era of nostalgia will be even harder to beat than the first…

The years I got to apprentice as you, and learned beyond a shadow of a doubt ‘why people do this.’

 

Thanks for the memories,

Michelle ♥